TRYING TO OVERCOME A FEAR OF FLYING

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…, the danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it…You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

One of the most popular fears that I see in my office is a fear of flying. I, too, have suffered from anxiety regarding this very issue, so I thought I would share what has gotten me, and my clients, on that flight!

A fear of flying often comes from a fear of not being in control. It is important to remember that control is an illusion; it is something we never fully have. In most cases, this fear begins to take control over your life and paralyzes you from doing the things that you most enjoy. Before taking an eight hour flight to France my husband said to me, “We will not let fear control our lives. We are going to travel and see the world, together.” He was right. I was not controlling the fear by not flying; it was controlling me!

I get it. Driving affords more personal control, making it feel safer. In addition, plane crashes are catastrophic, killing more people at once, which grabs more attention and makes people more sensitive to them. Car crashes happen every day and spread the loss over time, making their combined effects less noticeable. However, in reality, flying is the safest and most convenient way to travel.

Some facts for you to sit on: in 2008, more than 5 million car accidents occurred with 1.27 fatalities per 100 million miles traveled compared to 20 accidents in flying, in which case no one died and only 5 were seriously injured; your chances of being involved in an aircraft accident are about 1 in 11 million; on the other hand, your chances of being killed in an automobile is 1 in 5000 (not one person has died from a pilot texting while flying); there are 19,000 planes in the air at one time. Knowing all of this, it is egotistical to believe that if a plane should go down, you will be on it.

Here are a few pointers for those traveling, and for traveling companions to keep in mind if you know you are traveling with someone who has a fear of flying:

• The day before and on the way to the airport begin to start mentally preparing yourself for the journey. Give yourself a traveling mantra. Mine is: “It is out of my control. I am safe and everything is ok.” However, if you start to obsess or this creates more anxiety, STOP!
• Try not to rush out the door. This will increase your level of anxiety. Give yourself time. Stay away from caffeine and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. Dehydration can bring on panic attacks.
• Try letting go. Remember, control is an illusion. Isn’t it nice sometimes when you sit back and let a professional take control, like when you get a manicure or have your lawn cut?
• Distraction is key, especially during take off and landing. Have someone talk to you or read a magazine. During the flight, watch a funny movie.
• Sometimes your primary care physician can prescribe you Alprazolam (Xanax) just to take for traveling in case of a panic attack. If this is something you are not interested in, have a beer or a glass of wine before the flight or try Bach’s Natural Stress Relief products.
• Diaphragmatic breathing has shown great benefits when experiencing anxiety. This is breathing from your abdomen instead of your chest. The air fills your belly, then your lungs, providing more oxygen to your organs and blood vessels.

Happy travels!

Statistics from databasestatistics and USA Today

From Me to We: conflict resolution skills for the business of marriage

According to the IRS, the definition of a partnership is:  “the relationship between two or more persons who join to carry out a trade or business. Each person contributes money, property, labor or skill, and expects to share profits or losses of the business.” Sounds a lot like marriage, right? All good business begins with a partnership, a merging of two minds, emotions, life experiences, values, morals, and communication styles. Whether it is before you sign the marriage certificate or after, there is a merging of tangible objects (furniture, bank accounts, belongings) and of the not so tangible (friends, traditions, religion).

In my professional experience, couples have stated many times in therapy, “My husband walks away and avoids talking to me” and “My wife is always nagging me and doesn’t let anything go.” It is important to consider that females and males process emotions differently. Typically, men like to be alone to gather their thoughts and come up with a solution focused way of handling the situation. Females, on the other hand, tend to be more expressive and emotional. They are less worried about the outcome and more worried about “what can you do for me now?”

Often during a conflict with a significant other, one does not have enough self-awareness to walk away and take a breather. This leads to acting impulsively, threatening, or shutting down completely. None of which help the situation. If you were in a business meeting and you were unhappy, would you become aggressive and threatening? Would you bring up the past to put your colleagues down? Would you run away to avoid the situation completely? I am going to guess no. So why are we so willing to fight with those we should be fighting for? Do we treat our business partners better than our life partners?

Below are guidelines that can help navigate through a conflict with your partner. The hope is that you can turn an unhealthy dialogue into a healthy, meaningful one.

1. Remember that marriage is a “we” business. The marriage must be placed first before our individual needs to create a united front, a team. Just like in any partnership, if you are always trying to win, the goals get lost, and the family or partnership loses. So ask yourself, “would I rather be right or happy?”

2. Process information as quickly as possible. It is never good to push things under the rug to discuss at a later date. Communicate feelings and emotions related to the argument quickly and effectively. “Swept up” emotions will lead to future resentments.

3. Stay with the subject. Process one issue at a time. Most of the time if we try to bring up every unresolved issue, it becomes overwhelming and one or both of you will shut down.

4. No name calling! You can’t take it back.

5. Take a moment to ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say going to help or hurt the situation?” Often times, you will see that no good will come from saying things just to see how the other person will respond.

6. Tune in to your listening skills. Try to be your own therapist. Take a moment to really listen to what your partner is saying and ask them to do the same.

It is important to remember that you agreed to this partnership for a reason and that conflict is a part of all healthy relationships. By utilizing the above guidelines, you may have a better chance of communicating your thoughts and feelings in a more productive way to help your relationship grow and thrive.

Welcome To My Blog

I feel fortunate to have a platform like WordPress to share with my clients, colleagues, peers, and well, anyone who is interested, my thoughts and knowledge of the mental health field.

My hope is that my readers gain something from my posts and become inspired to learn new things about themselves and their beautiful and curious minds.

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